Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Okay, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I got my hopes up (again!) that I might be pregnant. Alas, I am not. It turns out that my problems run much deeper than just diet changes can fix.

When this stuff happens, I get really bummed out-so bummed out, I often forget what I have to be thankful for.

Though right now he is sitting in his "thoughtful spot" screaming at me, I am SO grateful that I have a child who is smart, loving, healthy and amazing.

So many people cannot conceive, and I know somewhat, the heartache that goes with that trial in life. It tears you down. How blessed am I that I have been given this child? How ungrateful must I seem to those who don't have the ability to have children, when I complain about not being able to get pregnant AGAIN?

Perhaps I spend too much time on the computer. Perhaps I don't spend enough time appreciating all that I have. Maybe I should rethink a few things. Maybe I should turn over a new leaf.

I love my supportive husband who pushes me to follow my dreams. I love my son who makes me smile and laugh daily. I love that I have been given this opportunity and responsibility to be a wife and mother. I need to remember that so many people out there never meet their soul mate, and never have children. I need to be more proactive in understanding what a huge gift I have been given. I need to appreciate more, the blessings that HAVE been poured out to me, instead of dwelling on those that HAVEN'T.

Maybe I seem selfish; maybe I am. Perhaps I seem ungrateful; perhaps I am. I want to apologize for my attitude. I want to start over. I want to be happier and more involved in my life instead of dwelling on the possibilities, or lack there of.

I have a good life. It is not a lavish life-it may never be. One of my favorite lines comes from a Jack Johnson song. It says:

"It's so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms."

I think I need to listen to that song more.

With Love,


Olivia Carter said...

You don't seem ungrateful or selfish. They way you feel is correct. Frustrated, upset, probably even annoyed.

I love your gatitude list and I hope you're feeling better soon- wish I could have hung out with you too- but I'll see you Saturday!

Brenda Lee said...

I agree with Olivia. You are not selfish for wanting. I have the same struggles in my head too. It's so hard because you desperately want a sibling for the child you love so much before they are too old to enjoy them. I hear ya lady! Keep trying, praying and enjoying what you already have like you are. That's all we can do.

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

I like that line too. The ups and downs of life... Thinking of you!

Susan said...

I love you girls so much. Thank you!