In all of the hub-bub of the holidays and school and life getting in the way of deep thought for me these days, I want to take a minute to sit down and reflect on my life, what I want out of it, and what I am thankful for.
Time gets the best of me. I'm not terribly organized. I get overwhelmed easily. Some days I cry for seemingly no reason, and on those days, I often feel dissatisfied, lonely, useless, and sad. I often take it out on those I love the most.
I get impatient, and say or do things to people that I regret and usually immediately apologize for, meanwhile becoming wracked with guilt at the very notion that I could be so rude.
I want to interject something here. I have a lot of people in my life. Considering I'm an only child, I view it as wonderful to have so many non-family members that I have in my life who care about me. When I say "family," this encompasses not only my own relatives, but those of my in-laws as well. I also consider my closest friends as family. I have always liked the saying that goes something like this: "Friends are the family you get to choose." I think that is really true and fitting. I have lost track of what I was saying... Ah yes, I have a lot of AMAZING people in my life, and I just wanted to take a minute to express how much I truly and deeply care for them. Whether you are a newly found kindred spirit, or a tried and true blue one, I love you and I'm thankful for you. As for actual FAMILY-family, I hope you all know how much you mean to me, and if for some reason you don't know, I am sorry for that, and I vow to change my vile ways of keeping my love and admiration a secret.
I know that the new year beginning is always a time for people to set resolutions, and start over in a sense, but this year I don't want it to be empty. I want my resolutions to mean something, and I want them to still be around on March 1st, where as, typically they have already gone the way of beta tape players... dusty and forgotten.
However, usually I am prepared when New Year's Day comes around. This year, I am not. For some reason I have been so preoccupied with other things that the holiday came and went without any list being made. Maybe this is a good sign, because in years past I have often written my resolutions in a neat and numbered list, and posted them on the refrigerator, only to be inconspicuously taken off months later when no one is looking, crumpled up and thrown in the dusty box filled with past resolutions, shoved in my closet under piles of sweaters and hats, that also happens to house other lists of past dreams and goals that have become the topic of other posts, and the reason for some midnight ice cream binges. "What? What resolution list? I don't know what you're talking about."
This year, after much consideration, I have decided this year is going to be different. For example, I of course want to lose weight this year, like all years past, but this year, after taking my nutrition courses, and realizing that another baby is a new concrete goal, I am smarter and feel more determined than ever. My husband, being the heaviest he's ever been in his life, is also determined and promises not to let me fail. He's even vowed no more soda, which is saying a lot. This is a man who told me that Coca Cola is what people get to drink in Heaven, and that on his death bed wants it pumped in to his veins.
So, in no particular order, and without running the risk of setting myself up for failure, here is my list:
1. Get healthier. This includes, more exercise, being more active outdoors, and eating much better. Hopefully this results in weight loss, but if it doesn't, (though I don't see how it couldn't) I will at least know that I am doing something good for myself, being a good example to my son on a healthy lifestyle, and will feel accomplished in that sense.
2. Be more patient. Anyone with a two year old, (or who is married for that matter) will be my witness that sometimes patience is in short supply. However, I want to do my best to make sure our home is filled with love and that everyone who is in it, knows it.
3. Keep my house clean and relatively clutter-free. This will be a challenge some days.
4. Be more loving towards my family and friends, but also to people who try my patience or I don't know. I want to be more charitable with my time and my energy. I want to serve others.
5. Be a better example of my faith, and in return hopefully help others find answers to questions they have.
6. Have more confidence in my abilities and look for opportunities to help contribute an income with some of my talents. I hope to be able to do this, but I still lack a lot of confidence in my humble, little crafts, and hope to add photography to my list of new found hobbies. Perhaps they can generate income for my little family, but even if they don't, I should be proud to present my handmade handicrafts to others... So, I'm working on that.
7. Get another semester of straight A's. I worked my arse off last semester, and it was hard, but it paid off. I have two semesters this year, one coming up this month, and one starting in August. However, if I don't get straight A's, I don't want to be depressed. So, as long as I know that I tried my best, I will feel successful with this goal.
8. I would really like to run a 5K. I would like to run a 10K, a half marathon and a marathon... but let's start out with baby steps... realistic baby steps. My husband wants to run one this summer, and we are both going to work towards it. I hope to be able to achieve this goal. However, again, as long as I try, I won't be sad if I don't RUN it. If I walk it, because that's all I can do at the time, then I will be happy.
9. Learn Adobe Photo shop. Simple enough.
10. Draw closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that in years past I have felt alone, and know that it is because of me, and not Them that I have suffered needlessly. This is perhaps a more important goal than any of the others. If I have Them to comfort me, then nothing I go through will seem as bad.
So, in no particular order, I have made my resolutions. I just hope that I forget that the delete button is easier than digging out the dusty shoe box and throwing my list in there. Besides, I'm somewhat allergic to dust and I really don't want to have watery eyes for the New Year.
Ramblings aside, this post is really more for me than for anyone who might be reading this. I just wanted to get this out of my mind so I can sleep at night.
Good luck to anyone out there who is making a list of their own. My fingers are crossed for the both of us!
(The New Year's Kiss!)