Throughout my life, I have longed to be "known" for many things.
As a child, I wanted to be an artist. I loved to draw, and loved looking at paintings by Renoir, Van Gogh and Monet. My family, friends and teachers saw my potential do be great artist, and I relished in the compliments. I loved to see their impressed faces when they saw my newest "masterpiece." I decided, as a small child, that art was destined to be my calling in life, and wanted at that point, to be forever known as an ARTIST.
As a teenager, I discovered a hidden talent, (that became a not-so hidden talent). I loved films, and I loved plays and the theater. I discovered that I was an actress. I was able to perform pieces of script to a captivated audience and was able, with my words to convince the watcher that I was someone else. I became transformed while on stage. I won state-wide medals in high school drama competitions, and realized as senior in high school, that as long as I was acting, I would be complete, and happy. I wanted to be known as an ACTRESS.
As a newly married adult, at the tender age of 22, I was filled with the good intentions of doing good in the world. I had wide-eyed ambition of molding young minds and being a light to children who may not have a light in their lives. I entered college with the belief that I could be a successful teacher. I began working in a program that put me in the elementary schools, and gave me opportunities to touch children's lives. I had found my true calling in life. I wanted to be known as a TEACHER.
At 25, I wanted to have a baby. We tried and tried, to no avail for two years. Despite the utmost desire of my heart, I began to realize that perhaps, children weren't in the cards for me. We finally found help in a dear friend, and chiropractor. We conceived, and the joyous day that I found out I was expecting, I knew that my true calling had finally come. I wanted to be known as a MOTHER.
Here I am at (almost) 30, and to the world, I appear to be nothing more than the latter, a MOTHER. But, is that really it? Is that really what I am, and ALL that I am? To many people, (especially those who have chosen careers) that is ALL that I am. I am looked at as someone who has settled, someone who has not achieved those dreams of days passed. I am looked at as though I "do nothing."
But, I beg to differ.
Are my drawings in a museum, or even hung on ANY walls? No. But I am an artist. My son and I paint almost daily. He loves the books I draw for him, and he loves for me to draw him "more trucks," and "more airplanes," and "more puppies."
Am I on stage, or in movies like I dreamed of as a young girl? No. But Ezra loves my rendition of the grizzly old pirate captain when I sing and dance the Spongebob Squarepants theme song for him. He loves to see me animated, and I make him laugh daily with my silly faces and over dramatized emotions when he finds me at hide and seek, or when I pretend I can't see him as I call out his name, only to act so surprised when I bump in to him.
Am I teaching in a classroom? No I am not, but I am a teacher. I teach my son daily just by answering his questions, and it makes him happy to know that mommy does her best to help him grow and learn. I love to watch him grow and apply what he's learned with his own ideas and expressive language.
Am I JUST a mother? Is that all I really am? I would have to answer, "yes and no." No, because as a mother you are so many different things. Every day is a new hat to wear. Yes, because being "just" a mother is a great honor. I get to watch and participate actively in the development of my son. What a wonderful career. I am happy to be forever known as a MOTHER.