Today was interesting for me. My son turned two, and officially made me realize that he is no longer a baby, and that my life as a mother has begun to evolve in to the next phase.
He doesn't need me as often as he used to, and in fact, usually expresses in a very two-year-old way that he wants to do it himself.
I spoke with a friend today and she told me something simple, yet profound. "The joys of motherhood are fleeting." She's right. Most days, I can't imagine that I make anyone happy, especially my son. Some days, I think I'm doing a really bad job. Some days, I feel completely overwhelmed and unappreciated. Some days, I want to, as that same friend said, "cry in the hallway."
But, there are those moments, when he comes up to me for no apparent reason to pat my back and tell me, "Good girl, Momma." There are moments when I am caught crying in the hallway, and he gives me a big hug, says, "Mommy sad? 'sokay Momma. I wuboo Momma." There are tender moments when he wants to be held, and wants to be as close to me as possible, and pets my hair and makes me laugh. There are moments, brief glimpses in the slew of "those days," when he shows me what I'm doing right, and keeps me on track.
I love being a mother. As challenging and as hard as it seems some days, it is worth it, and it is good.
I look at pictures from the day he was born, and I sigh and remember the newness of this child and the promises I made to him; to care for him, to love him, to show him every day that he is special and good, to never take him for granted. I think of the time that I have had with him since that day, and I cherish being able to watch him grow in to a person of his own. He has his own thoughts and ideas and such an imagination and sense of humor. He is so unique and lovely. He is so beautiful and kind, compassionate and loving. He is also stubborn and two. However, as I reflect, I realize that motherhood may seem to be just glimpses here and there of the tender moments, but it really is much more than that. It is the joy and the pain, the laughter and the tears, the carefree and the worriesome. That is what makes it so special.
So, on those days when things seem so overwhelming and I feel so unappreciated, I know I have those glimpses to look forward to, those moments when, my son truly shines forth a light in the darkness and brings me back to my senses.
Life is good, and I am so grateful for the blessing of being a mother. I am so thankful to be able to see, day in and day out, the joys and pains of motherhood.
So, to my little boy, I say this, you are more loved than you know, and you bring much goodness in to this world. In your two short years, and they really have seemed short, you have given me so much. I look forward to all the years ahead and can't wait to see what you teach me next. Thank you, my angel. Happy Birthday.