Q & A

Okay, so a few people have asked me how on EARTH I could have possibly missed the signs that I was pregnant... I mean, "HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?!"

Well, I assure you that I am not a total idiot, though questions like that tend to make me feel a bit like one.

Here is my answer...

I don't have regular periods, so the whole, "I missed my period! I'll take a test!" thing wasn't what popped in to my mind. In fact, it isn't unusual for me to go 5 or 6 months without having one. It's called PCOS, and it isn't pretty.

I was EXTREMELY TIRED and VERY SICK, and both of those things were written off by my doctor as thyroid related as well as gallbladder related. No one ever thought it could be possible that I was pregnant. So, instead of taking a test, I was put on a thyroid medicine, and then a supplement, and was placed on gallbladder supplements to help control the heartburn and the nausea I was feeling.

We went through two rounds of clomid and though the first one worked as planned, I didn't get pregnant from it. The second round of clomid, I was told by my doctor during the ultrasound, DID NOT WORK. So, there it was, why would I doubt the professional when he was looking at my ovaries and telling me there was no chance it would work that month? Turns out I got pregnant that month, from what my husband and I believe, was a delayed ovulation from the fertility treatments. So, I didn't expect my period to come. I didn't even second guess what I had been told.

Now, there comes a point during pregnancy that you CANNOT DENY that something is different. And I felt those things. In fact, I told my husband numerous times that it felt like my boobs were getting bigger and that I had some kind of hard growth in my abdomen, and jokingly said that it felt like I was pregnant, because IT DID feel like I was pregnant, but I had NO INDICATION that that was even a possibility. It never occurred to me to take a test because I hadn't ovulated on my own in over 4 1/2 years, and I just had a doctor tell me that the clomid wasn't going to do it for me either! I just thought I felt crappy and something was seriously wrong with me.

All of my symptoms, my doctors told me, were in line with my thyroid problem, and PCOS symptoms. No one even brought it up. I EVEN HAD A PELVIC EXAM BACK AT THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER TO FIND OUT WHY IF IT WAS MY OVARIES THAT FELT GIGANTIC AND THE NP DIDN'T MENTION THAT THINGS DID IN FACT FEEL ODD DOWN THERE. She told me instead that everything seemed normal. Never mentioned a possibility that I was growing a tiny human.

While I was on vacation, I swore I felt fluttering that felt like baby movements. I called my husband and told him that. I was also having MAJOR digestive issues at the time, (another pregnancy symptom) and thought it HAD TO JUST BE GAS, but could not deny that it felt like a baby and not like gas. My husband and I laughed about it. We even jokingly said, "If only that were a possibility... How cool would that be?!"

It wasn't until I found a NEW AMAZING doctor's office, and an incredible Nurse Practitioner who had the bright idea to do blood work on my thyroid and my hormone levels to see where I was at that we made any kind of head way. She called me back with the lab results and told me to take the test. So I did, and sure enough I am pregnant. The ultrasound results came back and from what they can see, the baby looks healthy and is developing well.

All I can say is that now, in hind sight I can look and see that I was experiencing my first trimester, and half of my second, but at the time, I was an emotional wreck because I had NO CLUE what was wrong with me. I remember telling my mom when she was out visiting in July that I had to find out what was wrong with me because I couldn't be the mom I wanted to be for Z if I felt like this for the rest of forever. I mean, I had no indication that it would ever end. I just knew that I felt like garbage and had no energy to do anything, and I was miserable. Of course now, I see that the fatigue was because of the pregnancy, and the stomach upset was also aggravated by the pregnancy...

So, just to clarify, I'm not stupid. I just had so many people telling me it was something else. I was trying my hardest to listen to my body and figure out what was going on with it, but was somehow tuned out to it being pregnancy, even though things kept pointing to it.

Now that we know, we are so happy. SO EXCITED. And for the love, please stop telling me I should be on that TLC show. 

Much Love,
Susan