I have much to report. Where to begin? I guess I should probably pick up where that last blog post left off.
For about 3 or 4 (or maybe more) months, (most of them leading up to that blog post) I was feeling really down, and I wasn't entirely sure why. Truth is, I didn't call anyone or make any kind of effort to keep in touch. Facebook was pretty much the only thing I stayed current on, and that was mostly because it was much easier to write a small status update than call someone and sound pitiful. I was lonely, and sad about a number of things, one of those things being that I want to get pregnant. But, no matter what I tried I couldn't shake it. No one called me really, and I didn't call anyone either. I just stayed in this little funk for a while.
In November I got a lot of lab work done. I was starting to see if fertility treatments were a good option (I remain very nervous about them), and my doctor wanted to make sure he was covering all the bases. One of the tests came back that I was hypothyroid... BIG surprise... I mean, I only had EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM and didn't know it. So, I started taking herbs, and things started to get a little more even all the way around. I wasn't as tired, or as achy, but something was still off. In January, I was tested for Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Yup. I have it. It's an auto immune disorder that is the cause of my hypothyroid problems. My immune system actually ATTACKS my thyroid. It's all so lovely. But, with that news, also came great news! The herbs were working to manage my thyroid function. My thyroid was back in normal levels. I was pretty shocked.
But what did the Hashimoto diagnosis mean? What else could I do about it? What did I need to change? I was overwhelmed. I looked online for answers, and became even more overwhelmed. There is SO much information out there, and a lot of it contradicts other info, and so on. But, there was one thing that I found that was across the board recommended and sounded like the answer I was looking for.
The Paleo Diet. No grains (especially gluten!) No dairy, No refined sugar, No soy. What can I eat? A diet rich in omega 3's, fresh whole fruits, fresh whole vegetables, lean meat, (especially wild caught fatty fish) and nuts and seeds. I started immediately, and within 10 days I was down 12 pounds (I had been tip toeing around the same weight for years, no matter what I did). Not only was I losing weight, I was feeling better than I had in, well, better than I could ever remember feeling. It was a miracle.
I am still following the Paleo Diet, though I will admit that tonight I did have a gluten free cupcake (I promise you this is the first taste of cane sugar I have had in two months, and I honestly feel like poo now because of it. Low energy, headache, blah. I won't make that mistake again). My energy levels are up, I feel pretty great most of the time, and I have lost a total of 26 pounds since January. It's pretty amazing.
I just posted this picture comparison of when I started vs what I look like now on Facebook, but I'm going to post it here to document where I am in this.
My face is a lot less round now. It's great. My pants are getting to be too big, which kind of sucks, because I'm in between sizes right now. But the good news is that now I can work out because I actually feel well enough to do it! I want to keep going on this, because I want to be healthy.
Then today, after thinking about it for weeks and months, I decided to cut my bangs. I am cheap though, (thanks to Mr. Darling) and I didn't want to pay someone just to cut my bangs, so what did I do? I remembered a LOOOOONG time ago in an Allure magazine there was a tutorial on cutting your own bangs. Ha ha. So from memory, I grabbed some hair (I carefully decided which hair, but you get the idea) placed my left thumb where it needed to be, and took some scissors and cut around it. Here is the result.
Not too shabby. I am happy with them. I feel attractive again. Which is a weird feeling because it's been a LONG time since I have felt that way. But, I'm losing weight and feeling better, and now I have cute bangs to help me feel even better!
My 4 year old DID tell me that my hair looked crazy and funny after I cut it, but that's okay. I think those are compliments from him. Because after he said that, he told me that I looked beautiful. He's a funny duck.
I am feeling better emotionally. Which is the most important thing. I have grieved and grieved from the infertility, and I have my ups and downs. My last down was just compacted by my thyroid, which has depression as one of it's generous side effects.
Honestly, I just want answers. There is just so much up in the air right now, and it is hard. But, I feel optimistic for the first time in a while. I feel like things will work out. If I am not supposed to get pregnant again, I am okay with that. I just would like to know my plan B, and know that that coincides with Heavenly Father's plan too. It's just hard when you don't know what to do about anything.
One thing remains sure in all this hullabaloo: I love my family. They are so wonderful. I couldn't get through any of this without those two.
You know, I have liked a lot of boys in my life. Some I was so sure were something more than they ever were in my life, and I have dated some boys too that were more than they ever SHOULD have been in my life. But you know something? Mr. Darling is my soul mate. And no matter who those other boys were or are, what they meant to me at some point in my life, I wouldn't want ANY of them. Mr. Darling is without a doubt, 100% better for me than ANY of those other dorks were. In fact, once I met him, there was no comparison. He blew everyone else away. No one has ever respected me like he does. No one has ever taken care of me and loved me so completely as he does, and I don't WANT anyone else. I want him. I want ONLY him. I'm not saying I have guys lining up to have me or anything... I just mean that I thought I wanted certain things for so long, and then I met him, and he was a real game changer. He looked at me differently. He loved me immediately. He has taken care of me from day one, and he is only getting better at it. I feel like every other girl should be jealous of me because I have such an amazing man. I am so lucky.
That was quite the tangent. But, what I mean is that, for me, in this entire universe, there is ONE person who is PERFECT FOR ME... and that is the person who I was lucky enough to find at 21 years of age, and who I was smart enough to marry 8 months later. My sweetheart has pulled me out of the fire so many times, and he shows no signs of stopping any time soon.
So, I have made some big changes in my lifestyle over the last few months, but a few things remain constant in my life... namely, Mr. Darling and my increasing knowledge of the fact that we are MFEO.
With Love,
Suz
